Tag: motherhood

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motherhood

What it’s like living with a 16-month-old!

Okay, so counting the number of months took me a while there, but I managed to get it right. My baby girl will be 1 until she turns 2. Because I’m that kind of mom! I am literally in awe as to how much I have learned these past couple of months. Being a parent truly is extraordinary; it’s scary, it’s exciting, it’s exhausting but so so rewarding. I am in love with my little monster, more and more, as time goes one. She teaches me resilience, patience, and gratitude for the little things that come our way. We, as adults, tend to forget to have fun and we focus so much on work and hustling that we end up simply existing and not truly living. My daughter taught me to take a step back, chill and live life to the fullest. A little like Frida Kahlo; Viva la Vida! I decided to take some time off from running a business and I am suffering the consequences in terms of producing and creating, but the time I spent with my daughter is far more important. The little girl, in her 16 months of life, has been through so much, from sickness to pain, to broken bones, and yet she’s still smiling and killing it at life.

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Living with an infant is so insane and I am super blessed to experience the wonderful (and not so wonderful) things that come with it. Some days are good, some days are meh and some days I feel like punching myself in the face for ever having a child. However, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Because after a long day’s work, a little hug from Luna makes everything so much better.
Since having her, I have acquired the art of being patient, which is a skill that is necessary for maintaining low blood pressure! Haha! I am also good at controlling my anger, my anxiety, and my frustrations. I try 10 times harder to stay positive, strong and calm for her sake. And on the days, I feel like crap, I try to keep it in till when she’s asleep or out in daycare. It’s hard being a parent. Especially being a single one! Okay, let me rephrase, I am still married but since my husband is away studying (in Ottawa) and we only see him once or twice a month, I pretty much take care of the baby alone (with my family’s help). I want to take a brief moment to salute all the mamas and papas out there doing it alone because to be in your shoes takes courage and grace. I sort of feel your pain, I am not nearly going through the same struggle as you and I feel the pain. So, kudos! Stay strong and keep on!
Little one has such a badass personality, it’s insane! Like how can someone so little have so much sass?! It kills me! Makes me want to bite her little cheeks!!! She’s fearless and wants to try everything. Doesn’t take no for an answer! Although she broke her ankle at 10 months old, she’s still so blasé about everything. It took us a while to get her to walk but seeing her do her little step now is like a miracle. With that, comes along the exploring, she wants to go up and down the stairs, open drawers and stick her hand in the toilet seat. I have to run after her all the time but seeing her happy makes me extra happy. She loves reading, giggling and her little black cat (a stuffed toy I bought her when she was 4 months old). She inspires me and pushes me to always be the best version of myself.
So, after forming a wonderful bond with my child, I am still a psycho, overprotective mama bear—I want nothing but her happiness and wellbeing. It makes me want to gag because I never thought I’d be this mushy inside. I am so robotic when it comes to emotions and I sometimes come across as a b**ch, but I am super sensitive and caring…just have a hard time showing it. Therefore, being a mom is quite interesting and my daughter is teaching me as much as I am her.

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And that’s the lesson kids! Children teach you things too!

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Inspiration

Living with a 5 month old!

I can’t believe that little monster is five month already! Where does the freaking time go? I am trying to take in as much as I can because angel is growing and everyday there is something about her that I discover and watching her personality flourish is truly a blessing. She’s a little pest when it comes to sleep and no she doesn’t sleep through the night! I was in dire search of a magic recipe to make baby go to bed easily and stay asleep for the longest time possible. However, I decided that my baby just has different needs and I need to be more patient and offer her the attention she wants and deserve. Am I over “spoiling” her?? Possibly…but spoiling a baby is not even possible!!! It’s baby’s job to want you and need you and be totally dependent of you. I have plenty of time for that to come along with the no and I dint want to phase. For now, I am sucking it all in and although I get extremely exhausted and frustrated and want to jump out of the window, one of her smiles bring me back life. Is it worth it? Totally! For me anyway…

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Last month, the pediatrician had me start her on solids and this is probably the best part of seeing her grow. Watching her discover different foods while expanding her taste buds is so hilarious. Her reaction to certain fruits and vegetables is quite fascinating and I find it so interesting how at such a young age she is able to decide what she likes and what she doesn’t. She is also and very obviously more aware of her surroundings and loves to explore what’s around. She’s inquisitive and wants to touch everything she sees and put it in her mouth; my hair included! She’s starting to teeth and that sucks because she’s a lot more fussier than usual and sometimes is too much to handle and when I get too overwhelmed, I leave the room for a minute to take a breather and come back to handling her with care.

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So basically, living with a five month old is insane and I mean it in the best way possible and I will say it repeatedly; it’s a humbling experience! I have been going through a bit of a bumpy road and haven’t had loads of time to spend with her, but at the end of the day, when I come home to seeing her excitement melts my freaking heart away. She gets all flustered with happiness and doesn’t know what to do with it…then she started screaming with joy. It kills me!

 

 

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Inspiration Style

The voice of a new mom; struggles, hopes and dreams!

I was going through a lot of highs lately and not because my life was perfect, but simply because I have the love of my life by my side and my little monster in between. I felt like I can conquer the world! However, I feel like I have been questioning myself lately if getting married and having a child was all that life had to offer. I mean it isn’t all that bad, but I didn’t want to simply be defined as a mother or as a wife; I want to be so much more than that. I feel like many new moms go through this and I am not alone but there is no doubt that motherhood causes a major shift in identity.

Five months in and it’s starting to hit me now and I thought I would never go through it, but I am and I am trying to deal with it in the best way possible. Before monster arrived, I was quite convinced and certain that I would get back to work as soon as baby is delivered and I would resume being the fashionista that I am. Wrong! There’s so much I would like to do and would love to do but sometimes, I let guilt get in the way and stop me from accomplishing anything else other than mothering. Spending too much time in the shower, or getting ready or taking time to unwind and have a bubble bath…these are luxuries I am not sure I’ll enjoy soon. I miss them, oh yes I do, but I want to spend as much time as possible with monster and I am afraid I will miss the littlest thing. However, I can’t help myself but wonder, am I now destined to forever wear loose-fitting clothes that hide my stubborn post-baby belly? Am I supposed to forever spend my Friday nights in fighting with little one to get to sleep? Or do I now have to spend my Saturdays sleeping at 8:30 because I am dead tired?

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So this is what I figured…I will no longer overwhelm myself with trying to “find” the new me all at once. So many areas of my life are affected since baby is in the picture—inner and outer confidence, relationships with my partner, family and friends, career goals and even my personal style. Trying to tackle everything at once is sometimes frustrating and instead, I now choose to focus on one thing at a time. Attack the area that seems to be taking up the most mind space first, and then getting along with the rest of my mental list. Spending time with baby is the time I cherish most but I do get tired and frustrated and wish that little monster gave me a bit of a break…but for now, I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. I will forever put on my big girl pants and face the challenges that come my way, in my most killer outfit, head high!

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Inspiration

The good, the bad and the ugly of living with a 2 month old!

I can’t believe how fast time flies and how much bigger my little monster is. Eight weeks! Two months! It’s insane! In a blink of an eye, my baby is getting bigger and bigger and changes and grows and develops and explores the world around her. Things have gotten better, here’s how I will start my thoughts because I don’t want to be sounding negative at all. I want to state that everything has been quite the challenge for me and that motherhood definitely doesn’t come with a manual. Every parent is different and so is every baby. My baby has been accused of being too needy and well I say so what?! My daughter is super aware of her surrounding and whenever I go missing she cries, she’s the type of baby that needs comforting constantly and she needs to feel secure. While I find it very challenging on most days, I offer her the comfort because I want to and not because I have to. I love making her feel better and if that means I need to carry her into my arms all day well then be it. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby!!! It’s a baby!! It’s supposed to cry and whine and want hugs and kisses all the time. I believe that a lot of people need time for themselves and need to teach independence to their children at a very very young age. I was somewhat a little peer pressured to give my daughter that space so that she grows to become independent and although I feel like I sometimes carry her loads, I do not feel like I need to teach her to be independent any time soon. There will be plenty of days where she will learn that by herself with the world we live in now.

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So the beauty and the good of living with a two month old is that you get to see them change every day and see them grow and it is truly a remarkable blessing. I was always so hard on myself, saying that I wouldn’t be a good mother….but really, what is the definition of good? We, women, tend to always want to be the best of the best and not make mistakes and I find that I am always questioning myself whether I am doing the right thing for the little one or not. But as time passes, I realized that I need to chill, take a step back, stop overanalyzing shit and just live each day to the fullest and learn to give as much love as possible to my baby.

I say bad, but it isn’t really that bad. Motherhood is a full-time job and you need to be alert and there all the time and although I am lacking sleep and I get frustrated and angry easily I still do enjoy being a mom. Being a mom is nothing like I have done before. I was career focused and needed validation from my superiors to tell me I was doing a good job and that pushed me to go further and be more ambitious. Being a mom, you don’t get that….no one gives you that validation, you have to give it to yourself, even though sometimes it’s hard. I may not be the best mom in the world, but I know that day in day out, I am doing what’s best for me and little Sofia. So although, you don’t get to sleep too too much (my friend was so right when she said sleep as much as you can before baby comes), you still get to bond with the little human that shares your DNA.

That leaves me with the ugly and the only ugly I noticed is that I sometimes forget to take care of myself. The bags under my eyeballs are real! And the smell of milk is undeniable but I know that this is a phase and it will pass, and so, all I can do now is enjoy every little moment because these moments will not come back.

So, all in all, living with a two month old is hard work but work that blooms into something beyond beautiful and I am so glad to be able to experience that. Not saying I want a second baby…all I am saying is, right now, I am loving it; even with its challenges. I am finally getting the hang of things and I can deal with my feelings a lot better. Crying is therapeutic for me these days and so, if I feel somewhat overwhelmed, I push through it and at the end of the day, I let it all out with a great big cry and I instantly feel much better. I feel like crying doesn’t mean I am weak, it just means I am a fighter and that’s what we are, us mothers, we are fighters!