Categories
Health Inspiration

Solitude; I love it! But I’m not so sure it’s good for me…

As I was having a little discussion with my sister over text the other day, I was left a little jolted if I do say so myself. She has pointed out so bluntly (not in a bad way-maybe I needed this) that I changed over the past year and have become even more introverted than I was before. She kept telling how I no longer love to socialize (not that I did too much of that in the beginning anyway) and that it wouldn’t do me good to spend too much time alone (technically now with little bub). She was telling me how I still needed to get out there and meet new people and network, if not for my career then at least for my mental health. Then I sat down and pondered it all and thought meh, I still pretty much prefer solitude over anything else.

Solitude
http://blogs.adobe.com/richardcurtis/2016/10/21/creativefriday-adobe-creative-cause-and-the-princes-trust/solitude/

I am not going to deny that the year I spent in Jericho changed me, and perhaps not so much in a good way. I have always been an introvert and was quite anxious to be in the public most of the time but I made loads of efforts to tackle my dreams and accomplish a lot more than just your average trip to the grocery. My will was always much stronger than my anxiety and I was able to live (not just exist) and lead (being a leader was my favourite thing to do despite my fears). I was a lot more socially active than I am now. I made time to see my friends, to go to yoga alone and even have lunch by myself in the food court. After Palestine, I feel like a have lost a part of myself, the good part, the part that was carefree and happy and hopeful despite how many problems were there. So, solitude pretty much was my best friend in Palestine. I stopped trying to get out there and be vulnerable to the world; building concrete walls was the only thing I wanted to do. I felt lost and solitude was my only option. No one forced me to lose that art of myself, I guess I was the one that did so. So when does alone time become too much alone time?

I mean, alone time is prefect and comforting and I feel less anxious and less stressed about what I need to say or do but in the long run, how much good does it do? I feel like this is why I turned to writing blogs; I feel like I could still do things that I love but in a much more secure way (although the internet is much more brutal than the real world). When I am alone, I pretty much feel what Henry David Thoreau described so perfectly; I have never found a companion so companionable as solitude. As I am sitting writing this, I feel like maybe my sister was right and although I like spending time alone, it is probably not that good for me. My anxiety is getting worst and my career is kinda dying (no, motherhood has nothing to do with it!) and if I don’t get out of my bubble any time soon, then sayonara store front and hello solitude for the rest of my young adult life.

I have come to the conclusion that it is healthy to spend time with yourself but it is important to know when you’re going overboard, because then solitude turns into avoidance and then it turns into some kinda breakdown. My will is still intact but I guess it’s just dormant and being a mum has brought it back slowly because I want to do things and follow my dreams again; not just for me but for my little monster so that she can be inspired and be courageous just as I was before all the chaos that happened inside my head.

 

Categories
Beauty Inspiration

Four things that cheered me up this month

Since I was feeling down since the beginning of the New Year and felt a bit out of the loop on living life cheerfully and lightly. I am usually a pretty cheerful and positive person but being physically sick ain’t that exciting and I feel like it affects my mental state very much. Since feeling much better physically, I have been on a journey of self-care and I make sure to stay jolly. Every month that passes, I focus on finding little things to keep my spirits high and my mood chappy. Here’s a little list of those things.

Praying (also meditating)

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Being a Muslim, I mean it is required for us to pray 5 times a week…but since moving to Jericho, I have become a little bit more negative than my usual self and i don’t like that side of me because that never was me! I am always the girl that lives in a “delusional” world, where everything is perfect no matter what happens and that when you fall, you can easily get up and move forward. Anyway, to break this ugly and disastrous self-sabotage cycle of loathing, I have turned to mediating and praying. I would do yoga whenever I can but praying has also helped me find inner peace. This isn’t to really push anything down anyone’s throat but I do feel more Zen nowadays. I never took to praying so deeply until passing through some hardship and now I know that it is there for a reason; it keeps us light-hearted and relaxed. I would describe it as doing yoga, really, it’s a 5 minute process that I do 5 times a day and it helps me re-energize and re-center. You sort of disconnected for your troubles and worries and just work on rebuilding your trust in God, in life and in the good things that come your ways.

Florence Welch (& the Machine)

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I have fallen back in love with her music. There’s so much to listen to these days, but I stumbled onto the Dog Days and just remembered how good it was. I listen to other music obviously, but this month I have had Florence and the Machine on repeat and it has been giving me life! I like to blast the music high when hubs isn’t home to dance around a little bit while making dinner. Music can easily and quickly lighten my mood. I don’t usually go for a favourite band (except maybe for Coldplay), but I like to listen to meaningful lyrics and that goes for any genre of music. This month in particular, music has been a good way to keep me active too. So it’s always a win with music.

RuPaul’s Drag Race

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It was a while since I even opened the TV, even if I am home alone, I rarely open it. I don’t feel motivated to sit there and watch it all by myself. I get a little more excited watching with someone else…but going on to Netflix recently, I was curious as to what I could watch…something not too dark and not too serious. I stumbled onto RuPaul’s drag race and that’s where the love started. I binge watched by way up to season 7. It’s so freaking amazing! I am totes in love with this show. The first episode of each season is always my favourite because then you get to see the transformations of each contestant and their reactions to each other. I love how talented some of these queens are; I mean I wish I could do my eye shadow half as decent as they do. I also love how some of them are so talented in sewing and just make beautiful costumes out of nothing. So inspiring! Their will to succeed is touching and exciting to see.

Skincare/Makeup

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Although I don’t usually go ham with it but I love playing with it nowadays. I have mentioned it in my previous post, but skincare/makeup have been keeping me quite content these days. I now find the time to really cleanse my skin and exxfolitate properly and even get some masks done. A little R&R never hurts! Also, there’s something just so satisfying about adding a pop of color on a bland canvas (my face at the moment); seeing the little changes that happen is awesome. Sometimes, I take the time to put some makeup even if I’m at home, just for fun. Because why the hell not?!