From workaholic to housewife

For those who know me, they know how hard it is for me to be boxed in or tamed (not that will ever happen—just saying). There were days when I was much younger, when I was really really sick, I would stay home and still work like a trooper and take on projects no matter what. I never wanted to waste a minute of my life. I always wanted to be productive, proactive and use up my time for good. It has been exactly seven months that I moved to Palestine and decided to dedicate my entire life (for the time being) to my husband and work on our relationship. If my younger self would see my now, she’d say WHATT???? I never in a million years ever wanted to get married (True story). Or iron someone else’s shirt, let alone a man’s shirt. I was always that ambitious kid with lists of things to do and projects to conquer. I always told my momma that my job was my husband and that I was fully happy—I truly was fully happy! Working, being independent, having the freedom to whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted–for me that was gold and I never wanted to change that. Well, 2 years ago, my life changed completely; I would not say for the worst or for the better, it simply just changed. Now that I look back, I say that there were times when I felt that something was missing, but I never really took the time to think about what it was.

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I am now 5 months into my new position (housewife); and it’s not all that bad, or at least not as bad as I thought it would be. Marriage is still hard work, maybe even harder than anything I have tried in my entire life. It has taught me a lot about myself and about my husband. There are times when I want to give up, throw the towel and just run and other times, I feel proud to be there for him at the end of the day. I was never the gal who took the time to be in the kitchen to cook a super-giant meal…I mean hello avocado sandwiches and tuna dips, but I can proudly say that now I can put a decent meal on the table.

The first two months of marriage, I was a little crazy, maybe even psychotic, I felt like I wanted to strangle someone, I felt like my life had no meaning. My life was just mediocre. I kept telling myself that getting married was a mistake and that I threw away my life and future. My career was always number one and in those two months, I felt empty, lost and confused. There was a big hole inside of me that I couldn’t fill no matter what. I mean, what was my purpose now? I never wanted to be just another number, I wanted to leave my mark in the world and change history. I needed and wanted to be somebody. In those two months, I literally would pick at little things just to fight with the hubs; I wanted to make him feel shitty for no reason. I wanted to hurt him because I was hurting. Luckily, the man I have is patient and super understanding that this big change was a little hard on me. Coming from a working life (70 to 80 hours/week) to suddenly nothing was a big shock.

I was fighting my demons, trying to figure out the direction I needed to head to. I was constantly crying to let the frustration and anger out because I could never admit to my husband that I felt empty and useless. I could never admit to him that I thought that he was a mistake, because I know that this would literally end him. Sometimes, when we think we have things figured out, we realize we really don’t and then we have to start the work all over again to arrive to the point where we are finally comfortable with what we have and with what we are.

After endless self-inflicted battles and a little honeymoon break, I re-energized and re-centered my focus on the important aspects of my life and in that; having a man that cared for me so much was a blessing. Yes, for the longest time, I didn’t need one (or thought I didn’t), but it honestly depends on how you look at things. Even though my husband is fully Eastern with his thinking, he allows me to develop and better myself all the time. He pushes me to get out of my comfort zone and to try new things, even though they scare me. Sometimes he is overprotective, which is normal I think, but he trusts me enough to go off on my own to figure out what I want. And that I truly appreciate.

Five months in, I settled into the new job and figured that housewife-ing wasn’t so bad after all. I learned a lot about myself… I learned that I too can be a procrastinator, I learned that I was surprisingly pretty amazing at cooking and I that was the queen of my castle. My husband never pushes me to always clean the house and always cook…there are times when he comes in from work to find the house in complete mess, but he forgives me because he’s amazing like that. PS: he sometimes helps me clean it!!! I like playing housewife, it’s kindda liberating actually (in some sort), because you still get to do what you want on your own terms, but in some way, you have someone that depends on you and you depend on. I now manage my time a lot better than I did and work on projects that I care for, along with my other housewife duties. The time I have for myself allows me to differentiate the good, the bad and the ugly. I am much more patient, much happier and surprisingly complete. Hubs always tells me how proud he is of me to be a strong woman and a true born leader.

Sometimes, life throws us some curve balls and we have to sort through them. I figured, I could either continue to be depressed and feel sorry for myself, or just simply live life day by day and enjoy it. I now let my wild side free and I don’t try to suppress it anymore and whatever happens happens because I know that I have the perfect person by my side that will forever keep me grounded. So, after five beautifully emotional months of marriage and housewife-ing duties, I kinda excited about cooking and cleaning—at this point, it’s therapeutic for me.

So here’s to all the housewives out there that keep their cool and calm even in windy storms! I salute you all for the patience and the passion you have to keeping everything in your house in order. Trying it, I know how hard it is and I sure do understand all the responsibilities that come along with this job. Can’t wait to have kids (haha!).

 

Humanity where you at?!

I was having doubts posting this. I kept saying perhaps it isn’t right and it would cause too much drama. But, it just keeps haunting me! An argument I had with some acquaintances a little while ago…I feel like I need to let it out and my only outlet here is writing. This blog is my journal and honestly, writing keeps me sane and keeps my creative juices flowing. So, as I was saying, this argument was quite drastic and I couldn’t help but feel alone in this. I mean is humanity really dying or are we just too preoccupied to be successful that we fail to see what’s important? Moving to Palestine has definitely not been easy for me- it’s a big change and I was okay with it because I wanted to be with the man I love. However, living in a little city of 30-some thousand people is a little bit stressful. Seems like everyone knows what you do even if you don’t intentionally do it or even if you’re not full on putting it out there in the public. It’s like being watched closely 24/7. Anyway, I was always one to not care what anyone thought of me….but for some reason, here, some things are getting under my skin.

So not to steer away from the main point of this blog, we were talking about how cleaning jobs defined you as a person. I was simply stating that being a janitor/cleaner/maid or whatever you want to call it was just a job (like every other job out there) and that earning your living that way was much better than staying at home and being a beggar. There’s nothing wrong with being that as long as you earn your living with nobility and hard work. I kept insisting that having a title didn’t matter because at the end of it all, ultimately, we are all  human and that when we die and we get put in the grave…those titles won’t serve us much (or at all even). For some reason, what I was stating was too controversial, unreasonable and unrealistic because that couldn’t possibly pass as a real job for people of a certain class. I mean I get it, but that doesn’t mean that if I decided to take that up as a living, that made me less of a human. Then they kept arguing with me that because I am an educated woman, I would be disrespectful and I would be putting myself down and people would look at me with a bad light. I mean, correct me if I am wrong here…I want to read your opinions!!! They were telling me that if a cleaning person came to ask their daughter’s hand in marriage they would say no even if he was good hearted. WTF???? Like, help me someone! That’s when I truly started to question my marriage….yes, I did get to that point, because my husband was sitting with me quietly observing the situation and saying nothing. I couldn’t help but wonder if he thought the same.

I grew up in a humble home. Yes we were very fortunate, I wouldn’t say we were high class, but we were on a good middle class front. We lived a decent life and never missed anything- our parents made sure we got everything we needed (not wanted) to be who we are today. Our parents taught us to earn our own money and to make sure that we stayed humble and courteous with everyone around us. But to have arrived where they did, my parents sacrificed so much themselves, to make sure we were brought up right and for that, I am forever thankful. I remember being a little pest in high school and probably too over-confident (for no particular reason) and my mom always told me to never put my nose up too high to the sky because I’ll stumble and I’ll end up falling and breaking my neck. Which, at the end of the day, meant that I should always remain humble and treat others with respect no matter their situation. We were taught to help others and to always work hard. However, moving here, made me see humanity on a different level. My mom always pushed me to work, even as a cleaning lady, yes she did that, she told me accurately: “there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you are making your own money and not wasting your time doing nothing”.

This argument just made me realize what type of people I was hanging out with and just made me sad. Are they that shallow? I mean am I being too over-dramatic here? Or am I over-analyzing things? Or is my compassion for my fellow humans blinding me from reality? I have always been one to see the best in people. My sister would always tell me to get down from la la land and that I should take my precautions because not everyone has pure intentions. However, for some reason, I can’t seem to find the exit door to that world…and maybe perhaps, I don’t even want to leave. I would much rather live in my own poetic world than live in a superficial one where values are put aside to reach a certain status or obtain a certain title. I like eating chips in a pita bread, I like walking barefoot in the street if my heels hurt and I don’t mind snorting in public whenever my sisters tell a joke.

I don’t want to diss anyone, sincerely,  I respect their opinions…to each his own, but I just needed to vent and see other people’s point of view. Is humanity compromised or am I just not seeing things right?

Black Friday: the buy nothing day!

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Artwork by: https://steelemissary.deviantart.com/

 

I have been bombarded all weekend with email after email after email from stores about huge black Friday discount codes and saving coupons….then I couldn’t help but get a little frustrated with how much society has transitioned to focus on material goods to bring us happiness and stuffing consumerism down our throats like it’s no big deal. Turning a blind eye wasn’t an option here, I super wanted to discuss this on my blog and start a conversation to understand how and what others think about this subject.

 

Why do we shop so much…is it to fill a little void inside of us to make ourselves happy? I am not going to lie here and say that I’m innocent. There was a time in my life when I was a huge shopaholic and just bought to buy- not because I needed these things, but because I wanted to have them in my closet, even though I sometimes never wore what I bought. I was young, stupid and reckless. Do I regret it? Not really, because I have learned throughout the years how to shop smarter.

Getting into the fashion industry and working in it for a few years, you start to learn and understand the whole process of mass production and (now) fast fashion. And to be entirely honest, I found it sickening. To have collections come out 52 times a years, rather than 4 times a year (as it used to be sometimes before the huge boom of globalisation) is revolting and quite offensive to the environment and to the manpower that goes into the production process. I have learned the stories of the industry and I no longer shop for things I don’t need and better yet, I have turned to my primary love; vintage!

We do not realize how much crap we put onto this planet and how much damage we are causing. Social media is showing us that in order to stay cool and to be special, we have to have the newest gadget, or the newest pair of shoe or the newest style of jeans. But truthfully, we don’t need these things to make us happy. Minimalism is actually very interesting and liberating. You don’t feel restricted nor suffocated by everything that is in your home or your surrounding. We have become so focused on defining who we are through material objects. It’s like what we do no longer has meaning but rather what we own that makes a difference. It’s sad when you truly think about it.

I hear a lot of people talking about the 333 project and of capsule wardrobes and I find it quite fascinating. Since moving to Palestine, I have been forced to declutter my wardrobe and well…my entire life…and just focus on what I need and what I feel is important. I have donated a lot of my clothes to friends and family and sold quite a few. This process truly taught me a valuable lesson…and also, living here in a little city, where there are no malls and no big focus on purchasing the new “it” item has made me realize that I don’t love shopping all that much (as I thought I did). Having little clothes doesn’t mean you can’t be creative, on the contrary, it should be a challenge to be more creative with what you own and learning the tricks of mixing and matching pieces. I also have maintained that concept of minimalism in my home as well, I don’t have 10 types of cup collections nor do I have 99 plates. I have what I need and it feels light and it feels great!

I find this speech from President Jimmy Carter quite interesting and in fact, so on point:

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Photo via: http://quoteaddicts.com/tags/emptiness/10

 

….and a little tad bit scary. Reminds me of all the hauls you see on Youtube..I mean it’s nice to see people succeed but honestly, like where do they put all the stuff they buy and how can they wear everything they own? Don’t they feel overwhelmed?

Oh! And! I have never been one to shop on boxing day, or wait in line when there are massive sales or go crazy on black Friday. But just for kicks, I tried it once with my sister to see what it was like and we told each other, never again! I don’t quite see the point. It’s not about quantity but about quality. So purging is healthy and when you stop being so attached to materials good, you then have the time and freedom to enjoy your life and tackle bigger dreams and working on turning them into a reality. Don’t know why, but Walking Away from Craig David is playing in my head right now (LOLZ).

I am not saying we shouldn’t shop at all, I am saying shop smarter. Sometimes, less is more…

What do you guys think?

Orphans, charity, love, humanity and more…

I have had this project in mind for the past 2 years…I was perhaps a little to ambitious in my mind. I would have wanted to produce more items and give back as much as possible. As I decided to “retire” from the fashion industry and no longer create massive collections, I decided to venture into more of a humane/ethical world. I wanted to put myself to good use and make a positive impact in my community…which led me to think, why not use the fabrics/trims/buttons for a good cause. I wanted to create these items for the purpose of making children happy. I wanted to make 100 dresses (initially) for charity and give them to orphaned children in Jordan. I completely fell in love with the country and wanted to perhaps be able to leave a positive mark there. I searched high an low for the right place to invest my time in and with the help of some wonderful people, I was able to find the perfect place I will give my dresses to (will be keeping the name anonymous for the moment).

As I work on many  different project from running a business, to working full-time, to blogging, to planning a wedding…this project was on the back-burner. Truthfully, I was super disappointed with myself for not being able to complete the set amount. After some struggles and some squeezed time, I was able to complete 35 dresses. That doesn’t mean I will not set another goal, it just means that for the moment, this is what I have.

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These dresses are collectives of different fabrics I owned, however, some were donated to me by friends. I used up loads of my trims and buttons to embellish them. I didn’t want to make regular boring dresses, I wanted something cool, different and unique. I wanted to make different size dresses and different dresses. Each one unique to its kind; never the same. I wanted the orphans to feel like princess in the special coming times. Since it will be Ramadan soon for us Muslims, Eid will follow. Taking the time to make these dresses in time to make the children feel happy and joyful is super humbling. I wanted to be able to offer those little beautiful angels something special just like them. Eid is a time of celebration for us, it is the time to share your wealth with the needy to make them feel like your equals. It is the time to be happy and celebrate with your loved ones. As Muslims, we grow up with charity instilled in us, because it truly is the essence of religiousness. To be able to share your goods with the needy is a marvelous feeling. It is necessary for me to keep the concept of unlimited love and kindness alive ad going.

Although I didn’t spend much time working of them, I enjoyed every minute and sincerely gave it my all.

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PS: this is one is one of my favorite!! I mean look at how cute it looks!! So novelty ❤

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I did not just stop at making little girls’ dresses, I decided to go all the way to teens. I did dresses for starting at 2 yrs till about 25 yrs. Now I would have wished that I had the chance to stay at the orphanage for a while and volunteer a little bit all through the holy month of Ramadan…but unfortunately, like I said, sometimes life takes us to different paths…paths we never dreamed of being in.

All in all, these 35 dresses all have a story behind them and I hope that this will at least make the girls happy, even if it’s for a couple of hours. I want to be part of their lives as they are the future and to make them feel loved and wanted is a blessing.

Since I was a little teeny weeny girly, I always wanted to go to Africa and “save” the world. I want to give my time to charity and not have anything in return except gratitude, friendships and memories with real people. Now, I never had the chance to go to Africa (yet), but I decided to start somewhere…although small, I am hoping that it will leave a great and positive impact. Philanthropy is a part of me and I am hoping to continue to share my love of humanity with those around me. For those who are interested in getting involved, you can shoot me an email and I will gladly transfer your messages to those in charge. This is completely non-profit for me. These orphans could use help getting the basic necessities such as school supplies or toiletries.

As Ghandi said; be the change you want to see in the world…I always, since a was little, tried to keep this in mind!

 

September Fashion Favorites

This is a first favorites post for me and since I haven’t done one of these before, I feel quite thrilled to share it with you guys. I will not have a long long list of endless favorites items. I just wanted to share my top 5 favorite fashion items of this month. Items I have been loving to death and have been wearing endlessly. Without making this intro too too long..here are the 5 items I couldn’t live without for the month of September.

1) My huge ass heavy necklace from my recent trip to Palestine:

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This is one heavy baby!!! I couldn’t for the life of me keep it on all day. It’s beautiful but fantastically heavy. I bought this baby in a recent trip to Jerusalem while shopping some antiques shops.  It’s a great accessory because it helps finish any outfit to perfection. It adds a Je ne sais quoi to any outfit and make something simple seem so exquisite. It’s unique, it’s special and it’s super poetic in a visually artistic kinda way.  If you’re looking for something similar and along those line, you can find it here.

2) My favorite favorite marsala colored light knit dress:

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I cannnnnottt ever stop wanting to wear this dress. I got it on a whim thinking it would be a great transitional piece from summer to fall, because of the color and because it’s light. I was scared that this color in particular would made me look like a great ole’ pumpkin, but seriously though, this is the most beautiful dress I own. I found it in Winners for about 24$. The fit, the comfort, the length, the color…everything about it is perfection. It’s stylish and so me on so many levels. You can find something similar to this here.

3) My ultimate favorite flat oxfords.

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I have has these bad boys for about 2 years now and they’re still going strong. I find that these shoes offer timeless style. They’re perfect in every way possible. They’re cut out oxfords from Charles & Keith. I had bought these when I was on vacation in the Middle East and they were discounted for about 60$. I bought them knowing I would keep them for a long time because they sincerely offer fashion and style. They’re definitely a statement piece but in a good way (they’re not too out there). They’re comfortable and they can be worn with dresses, jeans, skirts..you name it! With and without socks and stocking. I wore them almost daily this month and they still look brand new! (I’m pretty sure y’all noticed them in my blogs X) If you’re looking for similar oxfords, then you’ll find your match right here.

4) My Coach clutch/mini bag.

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A recent new addition to my wardrobe. I got this with a gift card I receive for my birthday and I so do not regret splurging on it. This is the perfect size clutch bag. It offers style, space and versatility. The color is super unique and the design is damn awesome. It’s subtle not to so much that it’s muted. I wear this bag with anything and everything. It’s pricey but well worth the money, really! Coach always has cool little things here and there and I took a chance getting this one and I do not regret it 🙂 You can look at more of its details on their website.

5) Last but not least my favorite ring ever!

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Okay so I bought this ring when I participated in an even recently and this cute little designer was exposing her work. I when to her kiosk. She’s talented and if I could have bought all her pieces, I totes would have!!! Like no joke! Everything she had on the table was to die for. Her pieces are well worked and invested in. You can super see that she loves what she does and has a huge passion for it. I got this ring for 85$ CAD and she was nice enough to give a 10% discount. I love the color contrast between the materials. The copper and the sterling silver is a perfect combination. Her pieces are minimalist yet very geometric, which I absolutely adore!!!! I haven’t taken this ring off since I got it. You should check out her work right here and maybe you’ll get a little something for yourself.

 

Hope you guys enjoyed this post. Please feel free to let me know what your fashion favorites have been this month in a little comments below.

Until next time xx

OH!! PS: here’s an extra picture to show you all of my pieces at work 🙂 (Check my previous post for more details on my outfit).

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What I wore: Palestine 2016

I took it upon myself to document what I wore everyday throughout my vacation. I wore everything I packed, which was pleasantly surprising…kinda means I am an efficient packer…

 

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What I wore: Thrifted bodysuit – Beaded maxi skirt (purchased from a random store while vacationing in the Middle East) – Zara shoes – Calvin Klein bag – Betsey Johnson sunglasses – Vintage necklace from Jerusalem.

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What I wore: Topshop graphic printed top – Rachel Zoe skinnies – David Jones bag – Thrifted sandals – Aldo sunglasses.

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What I wore: Miss Me beaded top – Rachel Zoe skinnies – Thrifted sandals – David Jones bag – Aldo sunglasses.

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What I wore: Forever 21 top – Rachel Zoe Jeans – Calvin Klein bag – Studded Italian slippers – Aldo sunglasses.

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What I wore: Forever 21 floral top – True Religion skinnies – Italian slippers – Calvin Klein bag – Bulgari sunglasses.

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What I wore: Long striped top (purchased for a local shop in Jordan) – True Religion skinnies – Charles and Keith sandals – Calvin Klein bag – Betsey Johnson sunglasses.

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What I wore: Forever 21 top – Thrifted skinnies – Gifted slippers – Antique necklace from Jerusalem – Claire’s sunglasses.

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What I wore: Zara checkered shirt – Thrifted skinnies – Italian studded slippers – Betsey Johnson sunglasses.

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What I wore: VS Pink burnout top – Forever 21 jeans – Thrifted sandals – Calvin Klein bag – Betsey Johnson sunglasses – Antique necklace.

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What I wore: Forever 21 top – Zara culottes – Squid shoes – Betsey Johnson sunglasses – Calvin Klein bag – Vintage necklace from Jerusalem.

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What I wore: Thrifted graphic print top – Forever 21 jeans – Thrifted sandals – Calvin Klein bag – Antique necklace.

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So which outfit is your fave?

 

 

 

Behind the Western Wall: Palestine in 2 weeks.

So I am finally back from vacation..I am not going to lie, it feels so damn good to be sleeping in my bed after a 6 week hiatus. I love traveling because it is the best way to enrich the soul with culture, heritage and history. I love meeting new people, seeing new places and learning new things. Although I had gone to Jordan quite a few times this past few years, I always seem to discover something new. I was also able to pass through Palestine and this was magical. I got to spend time in my ancestors’ country. I spend 2 wonderful weeks there where I got to explore the deepest parts of Nablus, Nazareth, Jaffa and more….In this blog, I will be sharing with you some of Palestine’s highlights. I wish I could have had more pictures..but I was so immersed with my family, that I just kept forgetting to take snaps.

I was super blessed and luck to visit the following cities in Palestine: Jaffa, Tel Aviv, Jericho, Ramallah, Nablus, Nazareth, Haifa and Jerusalem.

Palestine is basically the most important country in the world…I guess this is war never ends. It is the home of religion and history. The home to Jesus, Prophet Mohammed, the home to Christianity, Judaism, Islam…the beginning and the end of human life. Palestine is where we find the oldest city in the world…a city that was there for a little more than 10 000 year…which is quite fascinating for history buffs. It is also the hottest city in the world…gosh!!! so freaking hot because it has the lowest altitude…humidity level…1000000. I like almost died…but I gotta admit that when there’s a breeze at nighttime; it’s lovely. Oh and also, you’ll find the Dead Sea…the saltiest sea in the world…they call it dead sea because there aren’t any living creatures to be found in it.

Jerusalem of course is an important city for all 3 abrahamic religions. It is the home to faith, belief and conviction. The city is always full of devoted pilgrims that come from all over the world and gather to pray and find peace. I love it so much because it feels familiar and warming. I was able to visit the Church of Resurrection, the place where Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and resurrected. I also visited a Roman Church where I learned so much about Russian Orthodox Tradition. I got to explore the old street of Jerusalem and bought so many souvenirs from the old souks. Something I was excited to see live was the Wailing Wall, a wall  where  Jews practice their faith; weeping at the site over the destruction of the Temples. Jerusalem is a must see city and if you ever think of traveling somewhere holy and full of rich history, then you need to put this on your bucket list.

Tel-Aviv, Jaffa and Haifa have beautiful beaches because they border the Mediterranean coast. There are many beautiful sites to see, places to visit and souvenir shops to rampage. So many cool places on the waterfront promenades..just magical. The smell of the cities when you near the ocean..is just inexplicable. It smells like salt, sand, seashells and summer air. It’s a sight to see. I could totes live there. I could totes wake up every morning and just swim in the ocean ❤

Nablus is a little meh, although downtown Nablus is amazing, I didn’t quite enjoy it as much…I felt like it was a little boring. There wasn’t much to do except shop and eat (which is totally fine…but I would have wanted more sightseeing).

Ramallah is a beautiful city that kinda reminds me of Montreal. There are plenty of people and plenty of cars. There are loads of important government offices and companies. There are loads of beautiful condos and yummy restaurants. A great place to party at..I went to a graduation party there once and man!! Danced till I couldn’t anymore!

All in all, you get to see a bit of the Byzantine empire, a little bit of the Ottoman empire, a little of Palestine culture, a lot of Israeli touches, loads of Christian symbols and a whole lotta love. What’s wonderful about this country is that you see everything you need to see.

Enjoy the photos…here y’all go:

 

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Hope you guys enjoyed the pictures…I truly wish I had more photos…but I was too busy falling in love with everything.

Cheers xx