I was going through a lot of highs lately and not because my life was perfect, but simply because I have the love of my life by my side and my little monster in between. I felt like I can conquer the world! However, I feel like I have been questioning myself lately if getting married and having a child was all that life had to offer. I mean it isn’t all that bad, but I didn’t want to simply be defined as a mother or as a wife; I want to be so much more than that. I feel like many new moms go through this and I am not alone but there is no doubt that motherhood causes a major shift in identity.
Five months in and it’s starting to hit me now and I thought I would never go through it, but I am and I am trying to deal with it in the best way possible. Before monster arrived, I was quite convinced and certain that I would get back to work as soon as baby is delivered and I would resume being the fashionista that I am. Wrong! There’s so much I would like to do and would love to do but sometimes, I let guilt get in the way and stop me from accomplishing anything else other than mothering. Spending too much time in the shower, or getting ready or taking time to unwind and have a bubble bath…these are luxuries I am not sure I’ll enjoy soon. I miss them, oh yes I do, but I want to spend as much time as possible with monster and I am afraid I will miss the littlest thing. However, I can’t help myself but wonder, am I now destined to forever wear loose-fitting clothes that hide my stubborn post-baby belly? Am I supposed to forever spend my Friday nights in fighting with little one to get to sleep? Or do I now have to spend my Saturdays sleeping at 8:30 because I am dead tired?
So this is what I figured…I will no longer overwhelm myself with trying to “find” the new me all at once. So many areas of my life are affected since baby is in the picture—inner and outer confidence, relationships with my partner, family and friends, career goals and even my personal style. Trying to tackle everything at once is sometimes frustrating and instead, I now choose to focus on one thing at a time. Attack the area that seems to be taking up the most mind space first, and then getting along with the rest of my mental list. Spending time with baby is the time I cherish most but I do get tired and frustrated and wish that little monster gave me a bit of a break…but for now, I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. I will forever put on my big girl pants and face the challenges that come my way, in my most killer outfit, head high!